Crossroads

Life has taken a strange twist for me, and I understand that a lot of families are going through the same thing right now.  Keywords for the moment are innovation and change.  The business isn't doing well.  This past month, we had numerous customers who wanted work done, and then abruptly changed their minds.  Our feedback still remains strong.  People seem to like our work.  Possibly more people are doing window repairs themselves, to save money.  I really don't know.  We have been trying to come up with other options.  I have done everything I can to advertise, and last week, I have declined further services with a Search Engine Optimization company that just was not serving us well.  I have applied with several decent job opportunities, thinking that perhaps I could do paperwork after hours and hand the reigns of the business full-time to Tony, who knows so much more about flat glass services than I do.  I haven't received a single interview yet, and now am reaching toward what I consider lower-end jobs, things I can do that don't necessary utilize all my talents.  I'm talking to the mortgage company and waiting for some paperwork to come in the mail, to determine whether they can work with us, or if we have to move.  Two key jobs that we expected to get in May have been either delayed or the customer just isn't interest anymore.  We might be able to move onto some property my parents left to me and my siblings, but it will take money to get it where it will be livable.

I have no more tricks up my sleeves.

There are worse things.  I would rather go through this than be thrown into the grief process of losing another loved one.  I would rather go through this than the stress of working under a boss who finds everything wrong with what you do and tells everyone else in the office...I think.  I have always prided myself on being a hard worker, on my ability to take care of my family.  Now, it's as though I am walking completely blind, having to resign myself to allowing someone or something else pull me through an uncertain future.  I have some trust issues with that.

Prayer is a bigger need now than food or water.  I have to consciously exercise my faith, remembering songs that whisper promises, like "He didn't bring us this far to leave us.  He didn't teach us to swim, to let us drown.  He didn't build His home in us to move away.  He didn't lift us up, to let us down" (was sung by The Imperials).  Or Andre Crouch's song "Through It All."  I have to remember what God has personally done in my life, in the past.  Those whispers that once resonated in the deep recesses of my spirit, saying "I see you, I know where you are right now.  I am here.  Let Me -- ."  "When I am weak, then I am strong."  "If God so feeds the birds and clothes flowers, much more surely, He will clothe you."   "But they that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles.  They shall run and not be weary.  They shall walk and not faint."  Sometimes I don't exercise my faith well.  Sometimes I look at the storm and try to hide, to run.  Or throw a tantrum and cry.  Even yet, He keeps whispering those promises.  And I know all I can do right now is trust.

My family encourages me.  Today is a better day than yesterday was.  I had hoped that, after talking to the mortgage company, I would have some answers, some idea of where we were headed.  No, but hearing from my sisters and one of my brothers helped.  Hearing from a friend helped too.  Before Kelcie got on the school bus this morning, she said she wasn't worried a bit.  Maybe today, I can look straight at the storm and not run or hide.

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